Friend or acqaintance

[boglin]

Today's question - again out of interest (I'm pondering how I use LJ atm)

[Poll #1197924]

Comments

[uberredfraggle.livejournal.com]

If I was talking about you I'd refer to you as a freind but I have a feeling you don't think of me as a friend. We're not that close and lj is our only contact atm. I do read your lj but rarely comment. :)

[boglin.livejournal.com]

Yes - I don't think we've actually seen each other than many times when you were in the UK, and I don't recall us ever having a proper conversation just between us, which I think I'd take as one of the yardsticks for being someone's friend. An aimiable acquaintance, perhaps, due to the fact that we've never spent much time together.

[s0b.livejournal.com]

somewhere between the two ...

[liz-lowlife.livejournal.com]

Yes, I'm with him on that one! :oD

[boglin.livejournal.com]

n reply to both comments at once...I think of the two of you I know s0b a little better. But I like you both, although I've only spoken to Liz on a couple of occasions offline, and I enjoy reading both your journals.

[caddyman.livejournal.com]

Acquaintance pretty much as a function of geography, I think.

I rarely if ever come to Brum since the end of NWO and even when I did, we as a group were all heads down plotting. I don't think we've exchanged more than a dozen words face to face!

That said, I hope you're not thinking of culling your friends list. I'm pretty sure that we don't always agree, but I like to see views that make me think about my own.

And pictures. I like pictures of cats and scenery and stuff.

[boglin.livejournal.com]

No, I'm not thinking of culling - just of simplifying the ludicrously obsessive-compulsive custom lists I have, and thinking about how close I am to people and how close they feel to me as one factor in the simplication. And I case of pondering ones friendslist and just out of interest wondering if relationships are reciprical. I think there are people you are *close* to and people you find interesting, and although as you say we're not really the former, I'd have you in the latter category!

[westernind.livejournal.com]

Bryan's right about geography. If I lived in Brum, I'd actively seek out your company, face to face. As it is, that's in future. One day we'll move out of London, but not yet.

I've got a lot of geographically separated friend/acquaintances (most of them acquired through LRP) that I don't want to lose touch with. I arrange my own custom lists into two simple groups. People I trust with secrets (about half, and you're in that list), and people I don't feel as close to. I also have a Default group defined, so that I don't have to read, on a daily basis, compulsive wittering and meme-posting by people I don't actually want to de-friend.

[sheepthief.livejournal.com]

It ain't black and white. You could call on me in a moment of need and I'd be a friend, distance permitting, but these days I think that 'aquaintance' would be more accurate.

[saiira.livejournal.com]

Likewise for me too as well I think.

[boglin.livejournal.com]

In reply to both comments at once...yes, there are a lot of people I would have once called friends who I've lost touch with in the past few years - not through choice necessarily, just seemingly through the shifting sands of time. I wonder if it's all to do with getting older? We're not really close now, but I'm glad we were friends once, as I've really enjoyed your company in the past. Maybe we'll be able to catch up at some point if our paths cross!

[sheepthief.livejournal.com]

Our paths are most likely to cross with you at cruising height and on the way to the islands! But yes. I've pretty much withdrawn from any kind of social scene, but I may make it to another WGW yet.

funny terms

[dreamfire.livejournal.com]

Accquaintances are someone I just happen to have met, not someone I actively think about so thats not right
Friends are people I actively think about and then act in relation to and I don't have many of them because I am too selfish
So something else is the only answer

[girfan.livejournal.com]

I also go with somewhere in between friend and acquaintance.

[serpentstar.livejournal.com]

Well, I put "friend", 'cos I think if we lived closer we'd hang out more, even if it was just chatting in the local goth club/pub. I trusted you with my dog & cats & house several times, so, yeah, friend. Friend? :)

[boglin.livejournal.com]

Yes - I think we've known each other such a long time now and do still see each other, even if not very regularly, that you're someone I'll always regard as a friend rather than an acquaintance.

[ulfilias.livejournal.com]

I hope i'd count as a friend. Haven't seen you in a while, but that doesn't mean i think of you any less fondly - In fact was talking about you over the weekend to a girl called Audry that knows you and said you were part of her inspiration on the Vegan trail.

[boglin.livejournal.com]

Yes, it's a shame that we've lost touch over time really, as we used to be close. It seems to have gone that way with a fair few people really - not intentionally, just - as I've already said in a comment - down to the sands of time sort of thing. Unfortunately, I get to the point where I'm not too sure what to say to people when I *do* see them after a while, having a morbid fear of small talk. I saw you at Whitby, but didn't come over to say hello, not because I didn't want to see you, but because I just had no idea what to say after "how are you?", being so socially incompetent. It would be nice to catch up properly at some point and have a proper chat :)

[ulfilias.livejournal.com]

Well me getting married and being stupid by not going out and stuff has meant a few friendships have meandered near to the wayside, however the more i meet old friends, the more i seem to love them and think what a muppet i've been.

The nice thing about LJ is that it does manage to keep some threads going with people who are not so physicaly close, there are hints and bits at what they are doing. I find Myspace a bit useless so far, Facebook good for pics and sillyness, but love LJ for its glimpses into what my freinds are up to.

As for small talk, don't worry. It takes two and friends forgive and don't care about foibles, besides, I am getting my chatty self back and we always had more than just drunken mumblings. If anything what with horse riding, cats, animals and an odd habit of friending vegans we probably have more to talk than ever....Oh and a bizarely 'small world' set of friends.

[sheepthief.livejournal.com]

Which just goes to show how small a world it is. Or just how small a scene it is.

[ulfilias.livejournal.com]

Oh indeed. She said she lived with you....And lived with Fuzzy at one point - Scarey.

Think the wierest one recently was meeting a random sweedish guy at 6am outside the moritzbasti in lepizig, who was trying to get in after they had shut. He was on his own and we ended up chatting and stuff and hanging out a bit. I get back and looking on facebook pics and there he is at a friends party in London, he lives with them !!!


Its a small world, but i wouldn't like to paint it !

[ant-girl.livejournal.com]

Somewhere in between -- more than an acquaintance as I've known you for years... but not quite a friend cause I have very little contact with you these days.

[fuzzygoth.livejournal.com]

I don't think i know you well enough to presume the title of friend but i like to think of you as more than an aquaintance, its tricky because your a very top lass and there is a lot about you that i like bu considering that i don't know you very well or see you very often i'd feel a bit false proclaiming friendship. Equally as has been said before if i could help when some was needed i'd happily chip in because good people are rare these days.

[sunflowerinrain.livejournal.com]

For me an acquaintance is someone I've met but have no particular feelings for: I'd therefore say friend. Not particularly close friend, and even less now that for a while our only contact has been through LJ or Facebook, and I'm not even sure if you read mine.

Sometimes we don't stay in frequent touch with friends but that doesn't necessarily change how we feel about them. I'm useless at letter-writing but often think of people. Bugger all use to them, that.

You could come over for a walking holiday, and renew... er, whatever you call it.

[flooks.livejournal.com]

Probably more towards acquaintance, hobbies / interests diverge. I was going to say distance doesn't help, but I've always been this far away as long as I've known you. I guess it's that hazy sort of area between a casual friend or a good acquantance.

[emma-emily.livejournal.com]

I dont think there is anything wrong with acquaintances and its good when people recognise that that is the state of the relationship. The goth/alternative scene seems to be full of people who think everyone is their best friend. Maybe im cynical but i think there is a lot of naivete out there.

I have no issue with being acquaintances, i dont see you very often so i dont think we could be classed as friends. It doesnt stop me liking you any less.

Im not sure if any of that makes any sense....

[november-girl.livejournal.com]

Something far more than an acquaintance but not quite one of those amazing pull-them-out-of-any-kind-of-shit-at-5am-in-another-country-
even-if-it-costs-several-thousand-pounds kind of friends.

Can I just vote for a "really good mate"?